Yesterday, I was having an awesome day. You know what I got to do? WHATEVER I WANTED. That’s such a rare thing! How lucky am I, right?!
I got to go to lunch with friends and then I got to have … wait for it … a massage. An hour where I didn’t have to do anything except lay there and relax.
But when the massage was over, I felt a little prickle of unease. Something was off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I went home, and the prickle of unease was becoming more like stab. And suddenly I wanted candy so badly that I couldn’t even really pause to consider why.
ME WANTY. ME DRIVE TO WALGREENS AND GETY.
So that’s exactly what I did. Half of a HUGE bag of Tootsie Rolls later, I finally was like, “Holy crap, why’d I even do that?”
And that, my friends, is when I realized I had just self sabotaged myself like a champ. You see, I’ve been doing really well eating healthily and exercising for the past several months. I’m down 20 pounds, which is no small thing in my book. And then, here I was — BLAMMO — right back to shoving things in my face so fast I didn’t have time to think about what in the world I was doing.
And do you know why I did that? Can you even imagine why I let Tootsie Rolls take over until I was nearly sick on them?
Because I’d had a good day. A great day. I got to do what I wanted, and an old, worn part of me that is still probably 13 years old was like, “Hey, we don’t GET days where we do what we want. We’re worthless losers, remember? So we’d best start feeling bad about that pronto.”
I call this voice my Garbage Person, and a huge part of the Author Your Life journey has been making sure my Garbage Person doesn’t get a say in how my life goes.
This morning, I spent a good chunk of time writing a new story over top of the story my Garbage Person tries to tell me. Literally, I took out a pen and paper and wrote how I wanted to feel, versus how my Garbage Person wanted me to feel. My new story — the one about how I want things to be — is called Lara’s Life. And the words today in Lara’s Life were these:
Lara loves herself. Lara is gentle and kind with herself. She puts her hand on her heart and forgives herself for all her mistakes — past and future. Lara recognizes the pattern of self sabotage in her life. She sees it and understands where it comes from. She sends that part of herself love and forgiveness, compassion and mercy. … Lara tells herself that a better way is possible, and she writes a new story to get there. Lara is determined to love her body and to love herself. She will be healthy and make great choices. She is strong enough for the journey—there is no going back.
This is how Author Your Life works. You identify the story you want to be true, and then you write it like it’s happening. Like it’s already a done thing. It sounds crazy simple, but let me tell you it’s totally real and it works. Having done this now for a year, I am walking proof that the power of storytelling is legit. Yes, I still have bad days where the Tootsie Rolls win, but I don’t have bad months. Or years. (Which I did before.)
Take out your pen. Start now. You got this.